An exciting blog about all things adoptee-related - in particular American Indian adoptees who are called Lost Children, Lost Birds, Lost Ones and Split Feathers. This blog is updated regularly by journalist-adoptee Trace A. DeMeyer, author of ONE SMALL SACRIFICE: A Memoir and the new book TWO WORLDS: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects with Patricia Berdan Cotter-Busbee. The only way we can change history is to write it ourselves.....and the truth shall set us free...
Trace and Patricia are planning a new anthology for adoptees who are in reunion (or not yet in reunion) or searching for birth family and tribal relatives. Your photos and birth information will be published to help you! Please tell your adoptee friends. Send an email to email@example.com. Deadline for your stories is Nov. 1, 2013.
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Friday, July 20, 2012
Rebuilding our families
teach family history
In October 2001, Dr. Mary Pipher, a noted psychologist and
nationally renowned author, spoke to a large audience at the Garde Arts Center
in New London, Connecticut about the importance of rebuilding our families. Her presentation
was timely, considering the events of 9-11 and its effects on citizens of this
Pipher related that Americans are the hardest working people
in the world and consequently, some 45 million adults are on some kind of drug
for nerves. America’s stressed-out adult population is adversely affecting our
families. Less than one third of families have regular meals together. Parents
are overwhelmed. Children develop behavior problems. We are not happy people.
“We must be the change we wish to see in this world,” Pipher
said. “We must talk about values and teach our children to value the right
According to this expert, we are missing social skills. We
interrupt, act rude and use inappropriate behavior. Television teaches us to
buy things. There are some 3,000 ads a day, which is having a cumulative effect
on all of us. How many computers and televisions do we need? Do houses really need
to be castle-size? We are isolated in big houses. We are becoming dissatisfied
and narcissistic, self-obsessed.
In this ever-evolving world, technology is determining how we
interact in society. And the way it’s going now, we’re not getting emotionally
stronger but more isolated, dejected.
However, Pipher offered some solid solutions to our general
unhappiness. Reacquaint your children to large family celebrations. Children
need their relatives, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Little ones
learn to negotiate and navigate best with family members around the house
Pipher says the antidote to despair is being helpful. Take
an interest in other people’s children. Parent other people’s children, not just
your own. Teach children to find pleasure in being helpful. Spend time
outdoors. Connect children to useful work. Redefine the meaning of wealth. Teach
children to be responsible.
Pipher believes in teaching family history. Tell stories
about the ancestors and where they came from. Have a family ritual every night
that might include reading poetry, family memories or stories of hope and heroic
behavior. If adults behave well in difficult times, children will, too.
Make good conscious choices in two areas: protect from what
is harmful and connect to what is beautiful.
We also need to protect our children from the media, from
too much television, too much news and even adult conversation. Their
developing minds cannot rationalize or discern between daddy’s or mommy’s
upcoming business trip and the plane crash on television. Protect the children
from violence on television. Teach your children by your own behavior; stress
calmness and safety.
Pipher said create quiet time, family time. These tools will rebuild our family
in times like these.
...Trace A. DeMeyer (this was an editorial I wrote for the Pequot Times and it's still relevant now)